Big Bag of Depends Undergarments (Brand New)
Big bag of depends undergarments. (brandnew) in a size large to xlarge. They open at the sides or you can just sleep them on. They are very strong and durable. They will be in a black platic bag (well protected from the rain outside of 1612 piccard dr. rockville md. 20850 if this ad is still up then they are still there.
How generous! A big bag of Depends- FREE! And really, it is generous, however it's also weird...but that's not where I take issue with the post. I'm more concerned about this persons use of description and the imagery that it invokes. Take for example the trouble they took to include the features of said Depends, 'They open at the sides or you can just sleep them on.' Sleep them on?! I realize we were going for slip here but the mix up has me re-reading the entire post, this time in an Indian accent. Also, I appreciate the inclusion of the fact that these undergarments are both strong and durable, nevermind that in the case of undergarments (and most other things) that is pretty much redundant. The clincher of this little gem is the description that accompanies the big bag of undergarments current location...in a black, pa[s]tic bag, to protect them from the elements, or more specifically the rain that is falling precisely outside of 1612 Piccard Drive, Rockville, MD 20850.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Just What the Doctor Ordered...
CVS Pharmacy
Me - long lashes, decent build - a natural runner, immune to malaria, wearing CVS pharmacy uniform with a name badge that at first glance could be mistaken for an onomatopoeia
You - 25, really, really cute and boyish looking. You were shy about picking up your prescription for valtrex. not sure if it's your first time coming to us or you're newly diagnosed. Can upgrade you to non-formulary or non-generic given the flexibility of Skadden's prescription plan in exchange for a Mr. Yogato or a trip to JR's. Coffee?
I'm going to go ahead and put it out there that Craigslist is absolutely not the right forum to out someone for having herpes...in fact, I'm really unsure if there is a right forum for doing such a thing, but regardless...also, any attempt at building a relationship whos foundation is based around a chance encounter at the pharmacy counter while one party is picking up their Valtrex prescription is probably not one for the record books. Honestly, Mr. Pharmacy Technician Who's Name Badge Could be Mistaken for an Onomatopoeia (and by the way, WHAT? if you're trying to clue someone into your identity, you're going to have to give up some more info...), whatever butterflies you felt when your missed connection came to pick up his Rx were likely lost on this gentleman, as I'm imagining his head was probably hung in shame when he slunk up to counter to collect the goods. However I could be wrong, and maybe this one will bloom over a cup of Mr. Yogato...I mean even if it doesn't last, at least you'll be left with a something to remember your time together by. And that souvenir is a little something called herpes.
Me - long lashes, decent build - a natural runner, immune to malaria, wearing CVS pharmacy uniform with a name badge that at first glance could be mistaken for an onomatopoeia
You - 25, really, really cute and boyish looking. You were shy about picking up your prescription for valtrex. not sure if it's your first time coming to us or you're newly diagnosed. Can upgrade you to non-formulary or non-generic given the flexibility of Skadden's prescription plan in exchange for a Mr. Yogato or a trip to JR's. Coffee?
I'm going to go ahead and put it out there that Craigslist is absolutely not the right forum to out someone for having herpes...in fact, I'm really unsure if there is a right forum for doing such a thing, but regardless...also, any attempt at building a relationship whos foundation is based around a chance encounter at the pharmacy counter while one party is picking up their Valtrex prescription is probably not one for the record books. Honestly, Mr. Pharmacy Technician Who's Name Badge Could be Mistaken for an Onomatopoeia (and by the way, WHAT? if you're trying to clue someone into your identity, you're going to have to give up some more info...), whatever butterflies you felt when your missed connection came to pick up his Rx were likely lost on this gentleman, as I'm imagining his head was probably hung in shame when he slunk up to counter to collect the goods. However I could be wrong, and maybe this one will bloom over a cup of Mr. Yogato...I mean even if it doesn't last, at least you'll be left with a something to remember your time together by. And that souvenir is a little something called herpes.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The Seeds of Love...
A Child of Your Own?
I am a 40-year old highly successful white professional, smart, healthy and in great physical shape. I am also told that I am good looking and have a good sense of humor. I have one beautiful child already. For reasons of my own I would like to father another child, but my partner is unable to have any more. I will never leave her and will not hurt her, but this is something that I need.
I have three conditions to this arrangement. First, you must be smart, healthy and in good physical condition like myself. We all want the best for our children. Second, the child must be conceived naturally. Third, I must have neither financial responsibility for the child nor expectation of involvement with his or her life. This may be accomplished in a variety of ways. Race is unimportant and age is only important to the extent that you must still be able to conceive.
This is an ideal opportunity to have the perfect child of which you have always dreamt.
According to the last sentence of this post, 'this is an ideal opportunity to have the perfect child of which you have always dreamt', however I am going to have to go against the grain here and disagree with that statement. I propose that instead, this is an ideal way to get screwed, literally and figuratively. This guy clearly thinks that he is awesome, and has already bestowed that awesomeness on one lucky child, however he seems to want to further spread his seed however his culeless sig. other is unable to provide Mr. Awesome with that ability, either that or she's making him pay for the first kid. This post tries to pretend it is offering one lucky lady the shot at having a child of her own, however I'm really thinking it provides a better shot at a chance appearance on a revival of the Jerry Springer Show...
I am a 40-year old highly successful white professional, smart, healthy and in great physical shape. I am also told that I am good looking and have a good sense of humor. I have one beautiful child already. For reasons of my own I would like to father another child, but my partner is unable to have any more. I will never leave her and will not hurt her, but this is something that I need.
I have three conditions to this arrangement. First, you must be smart, healthy and in good physical condition like myself. We all want the best for our children. Second, the child must be conceived naturally. Third, I must have neither financial responsibility for the child nor expectation of involvement with his or her life. This may be accomplished in a variety of ways. Race is unimportant and age is only important to the extent that you must still be able to conceive.
This is an ideal opportunity to have the perfect child of which you have always dreamt.
According to the last sentence of this post, 'this is an ideal opportunity to have the perfect child of which you have always dreamt', however I am going to have to go against the grain here and disagree with that statement. I propose that instead, this is an ideal way to get screwed, literally and figuratively. This guy clearly thinks that he is awesome, and has already bestowed that awesomeness on one lucky child, however he seems to want to further spread his seed however his culeless sig. other is unable to provide Mr. Awesome with that ability, either that or she's making him pay for the first kid. This post tries to pretend it is offering one lucky lady the shot at having a child of her own, however I'm really thinking it provides a better shot at a chance appearance on a revival of the Jerry Springer Show...
All the Single Ladies...
If Any US Girl Can Help Me Out
Hi I am Wysam Shehan, I came in US on F-1 visa, Its becoming hard for me to continue my studies by paying out of state fee and as I am an International student i an not allowed to work off campus.
I need to marry a US citizen girl and became a US citizen, if anyone wants to marry me your most welcome, I promise to love you more then any one ever can.
Or if you hav any other demand or a Idea of contract, please let me kno.
To all the lovely ladies out there complaining about the perils of being single on Valentine's Day, little did you know that the answer to your problems was just a click away. Not only do you not have to spend V-Day alone, but hell, you won't have to be alone for the rest of your life! It says right here, in plain (albeit somewhat broken) English- "if anyone wants to marry me your most welcome". Now that's a romantic proposal if I've ever heard one. His standards are fairly straightforward as well, all he needs is to "marry a US citizen girl", the girl part comes second to the citizen portion, so even if you're on the masculine side, or just a man, theres a good chance you may still have a shot so long as you were born in the good ole US of A. And think of the story you can tell when people inquire as to how you and your hunny met...you- desperately trolling the Craigslist personals, him- looking to remain in the country under false pretenses, the stars aligned! And let's be honest, he even promises "to love you more then any one ever can", pretty tempting eh?
Hi I am Wysam Shehan, I came in US on F-1 visa, Its becoming hard for me to continue my studies by paying out of state fee and as I am an International student i an not allowed to work off campus.
I need to marry a US citizen girl and became a US citizen, if anyone wants to marry me your most welcome, I promise to love you more then any one ever can.
Or if you hav any other demand or a Idea of contract, please let me kno.
To all the lovely ladies out there complaining about the perils of being single on Valentine's Day, little did you know that the answer to your problems was just a click away. Not only do you not have to spend V-Day alone, but hell, you won't have to be alone for the rest of your life! It says right here, in plain (albeit somewhat broken) English- "if anyone wants to marry me your most welcome". Now that's a romantic proposal if I've ever heard one. His standards are fairly straightforward as well, all he needs is to "marry a US citizen girl", the girl part comes second to the citizen portion, so even if you're on the masculine side, or just a man, theres a good chance you may still have a shot so long as you were born in the good ole US of A. And think of the story you can tell when people inquire as to how you and your hunny met...you- desperately trolling the Craigslist personals, him- looking to remain in the country under false pretenses, the stars aligned! And let's be honest, he even promises "to love you more then any one ever can", pretty tempting eh?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Hats Off...
Chef Hat
Halloween's over. It's adjustable because there's a Velcro enclosure.
Yes, this post is short, perhaps even sweet...but to the point? Hardly. I have news for the author of this post, Halloween is not just over, it's long gone...we're past the point in which we can refer to it merely as 'over'. We're in the that awkward period between 'over' and 'upon us', a time in which not many people are looking for the costume or mulling over ways of topping the last one, so perhaps this is not the best way to market a free chef's hat. I could be wrong though, as I have neither attempted to give away a chef's hat nor have I procured one in this fashion. I am also perplexed about the verbiage of the second (and final) sentence. 'It's adjustable because there's a Velcro enclosure'?! That seems less like a generalized description and more like the answer to the question "Why is this free chef's hat adjustable?", which no one appears to have posed...now I understand that this is perhaps a selling point of the free hat, however when phrased so awkwardly the appeal of an an adjustable chef's hat is lost in translation. There is also the issue of the difference between 'closure' and 'enclosure', which our author seems not to be aware of. To me, a Velcro enclosure conjures up images of a pen of sorts outfitted with Velcro walls in which animals/humans/stuff is contained- quite a creepy image. A Velcro closure on the other hand leaves me with thoughts of a very versatile chef's hat, that could perhaps be shared amongst many chefs of varying head sizes, nevermind the sanitary implications that holds.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Totally Worth It...
A Ride to Lorton from Reston, I Give You a Free Pair of Sneakers
I absolutely need to go pick up something in Lorton ( by the VRE), but with this cold I am lazy to wait for the bus. If you are free after 3pm and do want a free pair of female Nike sneaker , let me know . I want to do this today Wednesday February 4th. If you are good at selling things you could make money out of the shoe. I bought it and only wore it 1.
reply ASAP with your phone number
This person may be too lazy to wait for the bus out to Lorton, but don't think for a second that they're too lazy to post an ad suggesting a pair of sneakers in return for the ride. Here's how I envision this all came about....said poster is lounging in bed, avoiding getting out from beneath the covers and dreading the fact that they have to make it out to Lorton from Reston at some point during the day when all of a sudden A HA! they are blinded by the neon glow of the sneakers they regrettably purchased months ago and have only worn once, it occurs to them then that perhaps they could kill two birds with one stone and offload the offending sneakers while managing to snag a ride out to Lorton without waiting for the bus. For this, they will surely get out of bed. They begin wildly snapping photos with their camera phone and eagerly uploading them to accompany their post on the list. In my mind all of this would take about 30 min...by which time they could've simply strapped the shoes on their feet and trudged out to the bus stop and have been on their merry way. Instead they took their chances that someone wants these sneakers bad enough to drive a stranger from Reston to Lorton. Props though on the suggestion that someone 'good at selling things...could make money out of the shoe'. Unforunately for the poster, they personally are not good at selling things, ie; this idea. And because I'm feeling nice today I won't even get into the linguistics of this post...I'll let it speak for itself.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Better Off Lost...
Dead Beat Dad Kevin Maurice Baker
He is about 37 yrs old. We have 2 boys together. The boys haven't seen him since about June of 2008. He drinks a lot. Last, I seen him was in the NE area in DC. He had cornrows in his hair now. He e-mails me from time to time with his lies of coming over but nothing yet. Our 2 boys only want to see their father and maybe spend time with him. I am praying extremely hard for his soul in the NEW YEAR. He didn't even come to see his son after this ordeal www.wusa9.com type in story ( UNIFEST VICTIMS SPEAK OUT) They have a step dad that love them both dearly however Kevin needs to be apart of his boy's lives. He missed their b-day party last year when they turned 6 and 4. Then, even worse now he missed Christmas with them. Please Help Me....NOW we are emergency move by section 8 because our landlord is a slumlord
I just want a little help taking care of them and for him to spend some Father and Son time with the boys. If anyone has any information or has chatted with him online please e-mail this posting.
His e-mail address is: lilmoneypimp95@yahoo.com
HAPPY NEW YEAR
This is a favorite of mine, as it reappears every two weeks or so in the 'Lost and Found' section...nevermind that that classification doesn't exactly fit the post. Somewhere in this post is a true cry for help, as this woman is valiantly searching for her babies daddy, aka the 'Dead Beat Dad' mentioned in the post's title...however, all of that is easily overlooked when one considers the email address listed as belonging to the man in question. 'Lilmoneypimp95@yahoo.com'? I mean really...if that didn't tip you off that perchance this gentleman (and I use that term loosely) was not mature enough nor committed enough to be a responsible father to your children then I'm not sure how much more of a hint you would need...but I digress. Regardless of the public humiliation Mr. Moneypimp is receiving via his jaded ex's Craigslist post, she does point out that she is truly praying for his soul this new year...so who can fault a girl? My only concern is her rather vauge description, I hate to stereotype but if you want assistance in finding Dead Beat Dad/Kevin Maurice Baker/Lilmoneypimp95 you are going to need to cough up something more descriptive than he was last seen in NE and was sporting cornrows...cuz really that only narrows it down to 97% of the population residing in that area.
He is about 37 yrs old. We have 2 boys together. The boys haven't seen him since about June of 2008. He drinks a lot. Last, I seen him was in the NE area in DC. He had cornrows in his hair now. He e-mails me from time to time with his lies of coming over but nothing yet. Our 2 boys only want to see their father and maybe spend time with him. I am praying extremely hard for his soul in the NEW YEAR. He didn't even come to see his son after this ordeal www.wusa9.com type in story ( UNIFEST VICTIMS SPEAK OUT) They have a step dad that love them both dearly however Kevin needs to be apart of his boy's lives. He missed their b-day party last year when they turned 6 and 4. Then, even worse now he missed Christmas with them. Please Help Me....NOW we are emergency move by section 8 because our landlord is a slumlord
I just want a little help taking care of them and for him to spend some Father and Son time with the boys. If anyone has any information or has chatted with him online please e-mail this posting.
His e-mail address is: lilmoneypimp95@yahoo.com
HAPPY NEW YEAR
This is a favorite of mine, as it reappears every two weeks or so in the 'Lost and Found' section...nevermind that that classification doesn't exactly fit the post. Somewhere in this post is a true cry for help, as this woman is valiantly searching for her babies daddy, aka the 'Dead Beat Dad' mentioned in the post's title...however, all of that is easily overlooked when one considers the email address listed as belonging to the man in question. 'Lilmoneypimp95@yahoo.com'? I mean really...if that didn't tip you off that perchance this gentleman (and I use that term loosely) was not mature enough nor committed enough to be a responsible father to your children then I'm not sure how much more of a hint you would need...but I digress. Regardless of the public humiliation Mr. Moneypimp is receiving via his jaded ex's Craigslist post, she does point out that she is truly praying for his soul this new year...so who can fault a girl? My only concern is her rather vauge description, I hate to stereotype but if you want assistance in finding Dead Beat Dad/Kevin Maurice Baker/Lilmoneypimp95 you are going to need to cough up something more descriptive than he was last seen in NE and was sporting cornrows...cuz really that only narrows it down to 97% of the population residing in that area.
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